Sometimes or maybe most of the times we find ourselves stuck in a situation we have no idea how to control, but what if we could control something and we choose not to?
Surviving on this cruel planet is already hard enough and what makes it harder is Being a so called nice person or being an empath where you just can’t decide what needs your effort and attention. Or what if you’re not nice? Or an empath? you’re just “a people pleaser”.
Now you’re finding yourself in a terrible situation, let’s say being asked for a favor or to do something you’re not comfortable with, but instead of cutting to the chase and saying straight up NO I CANNOT, you give them vague expressions which they will definitely misuse for being into their own favor. Or let’s say you said yes because you put other people’s feeling on an upper hand knowingly what trouble it could cause you. Because you actually are a nice person and you feel like you’re responsible of other peoples feeling and you can’t stand up for yourself instead you do as they say trying to save them from hurt. That is a no go.
Strength of a No
A no is two letter shortest word yet it holds the most power of all other words. Saying no to things you don’t deserve, saying no to people who don’t deserve your effort, saying no to anything that could make things hard for you, saying no to anything you have second thoughts about could save you from a lot. Or maybe save the other person from the wrong idea of you too. So instead of being the people pleaser all the time, it’s way better to do what pleases you and just one word could do wonders for you.
Now comes the other aspect of the word no. There’s a person who says no and then there’s the one who has to hear this word. It could be very bitter for them or worse, maybe heartbreaking. But the best you can do is respect their no. Their decision is not yours to take. Never could be. So you cannot be angry about it. You can be sad about it but you cannot hold a grudge with someone just because they said no to you. the impacts with yesses are weaker and more negative but taken as positive element at the first hearing of it, for they invoke grudges if you fail after saying a YES; but the impacts of nos are stronger and more positive but taken negatively right upfront.
Before you ask someone for something, look at them. Follow their body language. If they’re uncomfortable all of a sudden, it’s a no. And if they don’t say yes instantly and try to explain how it’s not easy for them, take that as a no. If they look upset, a no. And most importantly, if they say no, learn how to calmly communicate instead of making them the bad person of your story. You never know what a person is going through so instead of taking it personally just think about it the other way and be understanding, Maybe they’re just helpless about your situation. Maybe you’re asking for something which off their limits. It’s their decision either a yes or no, both should equally be respected. Do not try to change what they decide for themselves.
Try not to ruin your terms with someone just because they said no to something you wanted. Try to take something positive out of that. Try to learn them better. Try to understand their feelings, likes and dislikes. Know their boundaries, So you know what should be expected from them. It will help you do better in your relationships.
It’s never hard to say no, or to take a no. Always remember one word hold way more importance than you know and it saves you a lot of time and energy. The relationship you’re trying to save in the moment by saying yes which you’ll know will eventually end, it’s better to let it go, Let someone go who makes you think that making the right decision will cost you in a way that you’ll lose them. It’s not worth it. And Saying yes to things that don’t even deserve a slightest attention of yours, that’s just you being unfair to your own self. It’s hard to hurt your loved ones but you come first. Always.